Abortion attempt survivor. Voice for the voiceless.

Friday 29 October 2010

In 1977 Melissa Ohden survived a failed saline infusion abortion and was born after approximately six months gestation. Despite the initial concerns about her future, she has not only survived but thrived. With the love and support of her adoptive parents, Melissa began searching for the truth about the abortion attempt and for her biological family in 1997. Despite the many obstacles that she encountered along the way, Melissa found her maternal grandparents and her biological father in 2007. Although her biological father passed away in January of 2008, Melissa was later contacted by his parents, after they found the letter that she had sent him prior to his passing away. She has now established relationships with many of her biological father’s relatives.

Melissa has a Master’s Degree in Social Work and is the founder and director of For Olivia’s Sake, an organisation which seeks to peacefully raise awareness of the intergenerational impact of abortion on men, women, children, families and communities.
She lives in the USA with her husband and young daughter and was in Melbourne in September as part of a three-week Australian tour, during which she shared her incredible story with over 2,000 people. Melissa recently spoke to Kairos about her message of hope and healing.

By Fiona Power

How would you describe yourself and your life?

I always joke that I “never signed up for this”  - providing a voice to the tens of millions of children whose lives have been ended by abortion, their parents and family members, and ultimately our communities who are grieving from abortion, but I am so grateful to God for doing so.

Although it was laid upon my heart over 19 years ago that I was saved for this very purpose, for this mission, I never could have imagined that my life would be so amazing.  Each and every day I have the opportunity to share my message of hope and healing with others, and I get to see and hear from those who are impacted by my story.  Every day brings new experiences and opportunities.  From all of this, I continue to grow and evolve as a woman, wife and mother and faithful servant of God.  I wake up every day excited to see what he’s going to do next in my life and how I will be called to serve him.

You were recently in Australia on a speaking tour. Can you describe how that came about?

I was contacted on Facebook by a pro-life advocate in Australia, who shared information with me about an organisation called Life Network Australia.  I put a comment on their page.  One of the co-founders, Sonja Couroupis, contacted me.  Within a week tickets were purchased and plans were underway.  It was a huge leap of faith for Life Network Australia, and for me.

The Internet has allowed for great opportunities for like-minded people to connect and change the world, but it takes a strong faith and trust to embark on such a journey together, when you really don’t know much about each other.  I had a great sense of peace about it all, though, and knew that the Lord had formulated this plan and that he had great things in store for this tour.

What do you speak about?

My ministry is multi-faceted.  It’s first of all about putting a face to abortion and giving a voice to my unborn brothers and sisters who were aborted and have no voice.  We can read statistics, we can hear about how abortion ends the lives of 90,000 children in Australia and 1.4 million children in the US each year, but until you truly come face to face with a survivor of a failed abortion attempt like me, you really can’t comprehend abortion and its’ devastation.  I get emails from people every day who say, “They told me that the child I was aborting was just a blob of tissue … I never knew that children could survive abortions … I used to believe in ‘choice’, but after seeing you I know that ‘choice’ is really death for children.”

How do people respond to your story?

So many people share their responses and even their own personal experiences of abortion with me. The responses in Australia I think surprised even the pro-life groups that sponsored me. The overwhelming response is surprise and shock over the truth about abortion;  that children like me do survive, and every day there are children like me who do live, but are sadly left to die or are even killed. People are shocked and horrified to discover this.

People are always so gracious and kind. They always thank me for my courage in speaking out, and I always let them know that they are my true heroes.  It is people like them who fight this fight in the front lines day in and day out, and are saving lives.

People appreciate my ability to forgive, and can really relate to what I have gone through, even though my experience is certainly unique. They are grateful to have finally been told by someone that it’s okay to say that they are hurting from abortion, too, and they can have a voice, also.

I struggled for many years with feeling ashamed and embarrassed by who I am, even though I know my life is such a beautiful gift, and the Lord had an amazing plan for me.  But when we live in the world that we do, that continues to state that I was just a ‘choice,’ that somehow children like me who are aborted are unwanted, unloved, unworthy, we have no rights, it takes a toll on you emotionally and spiritually. It took me many years to heal from the pain, and many years to tap into the courage that the Lord gave me and speak up.

Because if not me, then who? The children who have suffered at the hands of abortion deserve a voice, and if the Lord saved me to give them a voice, then I absolutely had to overcome my own feelings and fears and come forward.  I can’t wait to meet my fellow brothers and sisters in Heaven someday and rejoice in the fact that they had a voice here on earth.

Another piece of my ministry is educating the public about the intergenerational impact of abortion.  For far too long, we’ve heard the same arguments that abortion is about a woman’s right to choose. First of all, the research and women’s own stories tell us that many women really don’t have much of a choice when it comes to abortion …. they are coerced into having abortions, they are not supported by partners, family, their doctors, their workplace, they feel unprepared financially, emotionally …

But what has been overlooked by many for a long time now is that abortion isn’t just about a woman and her child. It’s about men, it’s about grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins – entire families and ultimately communities who are impacted by abortion.  Not only do we all grieve the loss of the children who have been aborted, but our lives are forever touched and changed by that grief, by guilt, fear, shame, suffering, silence.  Everywhere I go, I hear from men who feel either one of two things – guilt from their role in coercing a woman to abort her child, or simply not offering support to her to choose life, or sadness over the loss of their child, and the fact that they had no say at all in what would happen to their child’s life. I hear from grandparents who grieve the loss of the grandchildren they never had the chance to know and love. Siblings often struggle with a mix of sadness and guilt – the, ‘why them and not me’? I don’t want to underscore the struggles of women. My heart aches at the reality that women in our world are put in the position that they are, but the reality is that everyone is hurt by abortion to a certain degree, and everyone needs to have a chance to heal from the pain that abortion causes.

My family is living testament to the intergenerational impact of abortion. If that abortion attempt had succeeded in ending my life, then my daughter, Olivia, would have never entered this world.  My husband would have never had a wife.  My adoptive parents would have never had a daughter.  My brother and sister would have never had a sibling. And now my biological family would never have had me in their life.  The list could go on and on.  Abortion truly has a ripple effect. No one remains untouched.

The other piece of my ministry that is woven into this message that I give is hope, love, forgiveness, and healing. So many people in our world today are hurting from abortion. Being able to come face to face with a child who was aborted by miraculously survived and has freely forgiven her own parents for the decision to end her life transforms those who are guilt-ridden. I don’t know how many times a woman has contacted me to apologise for aborting their child. They need not apologise to me, but I always thank them for that, on behalf of their own child. I always tell post-abortive men and women that I am here as their spiritual child. I am willing to be that child for everyone.

Very well-intentioned people have sometimes questioned whether my biological parents’ lives would have been better off if I had just died.  I always say I’m rather biased, since my life is the one that was supposed to end, but I truly believe that their lives are better off knowing that their child lived. Tens of millions of parents aren’t as lucky. They know the fate of their children. Just last night, I was speaking at an event and a woman held my face in her hands and said, “Oh, how I wish you were mine! What I wouldn’t give for life of my aborted child to have been spared!”

As I shared earlier, I struggled with myself for many years, but as much as I struggled, I am grateful for it, because I learned so much about pain and loss, grief, shame and guilt, the silence that surrounds abortion and enchains so many.  And I know that the Lord intended me to walk on that journey so that I could know what others experience. If I can forgive my parents, than others can forgive those who have had abortions. They need to first forgive themselves.

What’s led you to seek to make a difference in this area?
Certainly, I knew at the age of 14, when I found out about the truth of my life, that I wasn’t just adopted, I had survived the abortion attempt meant to end my life, that I would be doing this someday, but I was afraid for a long time; afraid of stepping into the frontlines of the abortion debate, afraid of how others might treat me or react to me, afraid of stepping outside my own safe, comfortable space.  The Lord kept reminding me over the years that although he was at work in my life healing me, it was in preparation for coming forward. I was just waiting to fully heal, and waiting for the sign that it was time, and in 2007, I got the sign that it was time.

I had found an organization in 2006 called Feminists for Life, and I was really drawn to them, because they were feminists who were pro-life, and passionate about advocating for resources and support for women. Not long after I found them, the pieces of my life fit together to complete my healing (I finally received all of my medical records that reflect the saline infusion abortion attempt and the care that I received, I found members of my biological family and was able to reach out to them), and during that same span of just a few short months, Feminists for Life put out a request for speakers to assist them in their College Outreach Program. It was the Lord at work!

Within that short span of months, I also became pregnant with our first child.  Becoming a mother and being a mother motivates me to continue to share my message with the world.   I can deal with the reality that my life was supposed to end , but to know that my beautiful child would have never had life is devastating. I will fight for Olivia and all of the children like her who have never had life because their own parents were aborted until the day that I leave this world. I owe it to her.

My feminist beliefs also motivate me to speak out and make a difference.  I believe in Feminists for Life’s motto that “Women deserve better than abortion.” I deserved better than to be aborted. My biological mother deserved better than to go through that traumatic late term abortion and now carry the secrecy and shame of it with her for the rest of her life. So many times we hear people talk about ‘choice,’ but where was my choice? Where was Olivia’s? Most women really aren’t given a choice.

Obviously, my faith also drives me to make a difference in the lives of men, women, children and families. When we look at what Jesus did for us, for me to make this small sacrifice in my life – to open my life up to the world, to be sometimes judged or scorned by others who disagree with me about abortion, to be pulled away from my family often so that I can minister to others – my sacrifice is truly insignificant.  And I can’t wait to someday meet the Lord and have him say, ‘Good job, my daughter’.

What do you hope people take away from your talk?

As much as my story can be seen as one of profound sadness, it is really one of great joy. I survived! I’ve led a blessed life, I have been loved much and I give much love in return, and now I am a mother, myself. That is true joy. I want people to walk away from hearing me thinking, ‘Wow, everyone deserves life. Everyone deserves that kind of joy’.

I want people to take away from the experience that the unborn children whose lives are ended by abortion every day are just like me. They are me, and I am them. I hope people leave motivated to continue to fight for the unborn and to improve the lives of women so that abortion isn’t seen as the only ‘choice’ available to them. I hope that people can put themselves in my shoes and the shoes of those whose lives are ended by abortion.  It’s easy to talk about abortion as a right or a choice when you aren’t the one who was aborted.

I want people to be encouraged by what the Lord has done in my life. I want people to move out of their comfort zone and do whatever it is the Lord has asked them to do in this world. I want them to leave their time with me feeling loved, forgiven, and accepted for who they are, no matter what they have done, no matter what choices they’ve made.

Has there been any change in public opinion in the USA on this topic in recent years?

Public opinion has shifted in recent years on abortion.  I think there are a number of factors that have influenced this: First of all, my generation, the generation that was first being aborted after Roe v. Wade is growing older. We have always known of this life with abortion, and we live each day recognising how many we have lost as a result.

I believe that the shift into the third wave of feminism (as opposed to the second wave that supported and pushed abortion as a right of women), which actually embraces the pro-life beliefs of the first wave of feminists, has had a strong impact. We are seeing much more of a pro-woman/pro-child approach, which certainly addresses the issues of abortion and how it is an injustice to both women and children.  I’m not Catholic (yet), but I believe that Pope Jonn Paul II’s work had a profound impact on pro-woman/pro-child issues.

I believe that that strength of the American people to speak out and stand up for what they believe is right is of central influence, also. We have a huge network of pro-life organisations and individuals who work together to end abortion and improve lives. Whether Protestant, Catholic, or secular, groups come together for the greater cause. The use of technology, such as social networking has had an incredible impact on the life movement – you are able to connect, share stories, do webcasts, so many things that further the cause. We have SO MANY groups who come together.  It’s about working together for the greater good, despite our differences.

What would you say to a woman considering abortion, or in an unplanned pregnancy?

As hard as what you are experiencing right now must be, there are so many people out in the world who love you and want to help you.  There are resources and supports available that you may not even know exist but can help you.  Abortion may seem like a quick solution to the problem that you are facing, but the relief is short-lived.  The pain and complications of abortion last a lifetime.

You may not think that you have enough to do this, but you do. You are stronger than you think, and you can make a choice that gives your child life, and you can feel good about for the rest of your life.

What words of encouragement might you have for those who have experienced an abortion and are looking for healing?

I first of all would say, I forgive you.  Just as I have forgiven my own biological parents for the decision that was made to end my life, I forgive you.  You need to forgive yourself, to ask the Lord for forgiveness.  One of my favorite quotes is: “True faith is realising that I am useful to God not in spite of my scars but because of them.” The Lord takes us as we are,he loves us in spite of ourselves -we just have to let him.

You do not need to be silenced by the abortion. Shame and guilt, regret, they silence people from sharing their truth, their pain, from lifting their burdens.  My biological father passed away from this world carrying the secrecy and shame of the abortion with him.  Men and women alike deserve so much better than that.  As fellow Christians, I believe we need to do a better job of loving people and not judging them for what they did or didn’t do.  Our own judgmental attitudes can prevent people from coming forward and finding healing.

Everyone heals differently and in their own time. You need not compare yourself with someone else or think you need to go about healing in the same way that they did. Do what feels right to you.  Do it in your own time. Go slowly. Let yourself walk through the pain.  It is not easy, but the Lord is always right there with you.

There are many great groups and tools available to help people heal after abortion.  Reading books like Melinda Tankard Reist’s Giving Sorrow Words is a useful tool. Attending post-abortive groups at Pregnancy Resource Centers or bible studies like Forgiven and Set Free are helpful.  Attending Rachel’s Vineyard retreats transform people’s lives.

Melissa Ohden will return to Australia as a keynote speaker at the 2011 Real Choices conference, 13- 15 May, in Sydney.

For more information about Melissa Ohden  www.melissaohden.com

For support, alternatives to abortion and resources in Melbourne, contact Marcia Riordan at the Archdiocese of Melbourne’s Life, Marriage and Family office, (03) 9287 5587  lmf@cam.org.au

Photo supplied by Melissa Ohden

Aborted babies ‘being left to die’

The Age

BABIES that are surviving late-term abortions at Melbourne’s Royal Women’s Hospital might be being left on shelves to die, according to an Anglican minister.

Dr Mark Durie, minister of St Mary’s Caulfield, said staff were finding it hard to cope with a reported six-fold increase in late-term abortions at the Women’s since abortion was decriminalised in Victoria two years ago. He said because conscientious objection by medical staff was now illegal, the hospital could employ only people who endorsed late-term abortions.

Dr Durie is bringing a motion about late-term abortion to the annual Anglican synod, which opened in Melbourne last night.

He calls on the state government to answer five questions about late-term abortions:

■ How many are happening, and how late?

■ What are the reasons for the abortions?

■ Are those born alive receiving medical care, or what is their cause of death?

■ What has been the effect on staff morale at the Royal Women’s Hospital?

■ What has been the effect on staff recruitment?

He said in one case – not at the Women’s – a trainee was deeply traumatised when she was told to drop a living foetus in a bucket of formaldehyde.

Dr Durie said even in 2007, 52 babies survived late-term abortions, according to government figures. In some clinics they had simply been put on a shelf and left to die, and the public deserved to know what was happening now.

He said no figures had been officially released since abortion was decriminalised.

”Because of the deep ethical conflict involved, there will be pressure to suppress the reality of what is going on,” he said.

”I’m deeply concerned for the traumatising effect it has on doctors and nurses.”

Dr Durie said most people became midwives because they loved seeing children born. ”I find it hard to comprehend that staff can go from working to rescue a 27-week-old foetus in one hour, and the next hour delivering another one dead.”

The Anglican diocese of Melbourne backed decriminalising abortion in its submission to the Victorian Law Reform Commission review in 2007. Archdeacon Alison Taylor told The Age at the time that in some circumstances, such as foetal abnormality, abortion was the ”the least problematic solution”.

Health Department spokesman Bram Alexander said it was the job of the Consultative Council on Obstetric and Paediatric Mortality and Morbidity to monitor trends and data, and its 2008 report would be released before the end of 2010.

”There’s no sense that the material is being suppressed,” he said.

A spokeswoman for the Royal Women’s Hospital said she would not comment, except to say that no staff were ever required to perform or assist in any procedure contrary to their own conscience or beliefs.

Meanwhile, Melbourne Archbishop Philip Freier told the synod last night that the Anglican church had to become more multicultural.

After a year of intensive consultation, he unveiled a vision for the diocese based on seeing its 210 parishes not as churches or congregations but a geographic mission field.

”We need to be aware of the entirety of our parish, the diversity of its people, the industry and commerce which takes place within it, and the collaborators who might work with us in evangelism and compassionate service,” he said.

Life Network Australia – Wednesday, October 06, 2010

You may recently have heard about Melissa Ohden considered a ‘voice for the voiceless’. Melissa miraculously survived an attempted saline abortion at around six months in the womb. After years of questioning she has emerged to tell her story of hope and triumph – to be a voice for the millions of babies who have not survived and the babies still being aborted today.

Melissa Ohden has had an enormous impact on those who heard her speak during her tour in Australia during September. In only three weeks Melissa spoke to over 2,000 people who attended events to hear her incredible story – high school students, the general public, business people, politicians, pregnancy support workers and others involved in various pro life fields and groups. Thousands more heard her speak on 5 different Australian radio stations and read about her in newspaper articles. She was on the front page of the Sunraysia Daily (Mildura local paper), with another large article on page four. She was involved in filming a television advertisement and YouTube footage, yet to be released.

Melissa demonstrated compassion and forgiveness when telling her story, and her audiences responded. Some with tears, sharing their own stories of abortion, or the stories of relatives or friends that impacted on them, some with gratitude that Melissa is here at all to tell her powerful story. On a topic that can be so divisive, Melissa engaged and embraced everyone that she came in contact with.

Some of the feedback from Melissa’s tour:

“Thank you for all you did in organising Melissa’s tour!!!  Congratulations on the success of it all. It was wonderful to have Melissa visit Toowoomba. Her personal story, interwoven with the devastating effects of abortion on individuals and society, yet triumphing in wholeness and forgiveness, greatly impacted all who heard her. The Gala Dinner was a special and successful evening with Melissa’s speech being the highlight.  She is a relaxed and gifted speaker who Emily’s Voice would be keen to invite again in the future.  The filming in which Melissa was involved on the following day was carried out with ease and enthusiasm.  Thank you for bringing Melissa to Australia!” -Emily’s Voice, Toowoomba.

“Melissa’s visit to Mildura was a bridge building exercise between those who already understand the damaging impact of abortion on lives both past, present and future, and those who had either not thought about it before, or had only experienced the righteous anger of those who oppose abortion.  At Zoe Pregnancy Support we believe the often harsh features of the polemic divide or ‘anti/pro choice…abortion’ is unhelpful and destroys opportunity to bring hope and genuine choice to those who most need it.  Melissa’s Social Work training underpinned her life story which speaks loudly for the truth about abortion in a gentle and powerful way.  It is without doubt Melissa changed lives when she graced us with her presence and shared her life story… Thank you Life Network Australia.  Thank you Melissa Ohden.  We are in your debt.  Together we have, and will continue to make a difference”. Anne Webster – Zoe Pregnancy Support, Mildura.

Melissa Ohden in Australia related links:

Open House Radio

Bill Muehlenberg’s Culture Watch

Australian Christian Lobby

A Catholic Notebook

Sunraysia Daily

HD. Magazine

We were blessed to have Brad Mattes and the team from Facing Life Head-On visit us in August, where they filmed two episodes for their amazing pro-life television show, which recently received an Emmy award in recognition of their outstanding work.

The two episodes, entitled ‘Marked for Death’ aired at the end of August and beginning of September, and we couldn’t be more proud to have shared our story with the world about how I miraculously survived the late-term saline infusion abortion that my biological mother underwent, the journey of healing that I embarked on for myself and my biological family, the important role that adoption has played in our lives, and how I am now able to bring hope and healing to all who are affected by abortion.

If you haven’t checked out the episodes yet, I would encourage you to do so.  We will post the videos on our Media Page shortly, but until then, please visit:  http://www.facinglife.tv and pull down ‘Marked for Death’ episodes 1 and 2 from the viewer.

Certainly my life as an abortion survivor, one ‘marked for death,’ has at times been difficult, and the pain has run deeply.  However, I know that millions of people around the world are impacted by abortion each and every day.  Here are just a few of the comments that I have received from viewers who watched the show, and were deeply affected:

“That was an amazing story I too am a survivor of abortion and a christian for 4 years after finding my biological father 2 weeks after he died.  He never knew I existed and never had any children.”

“I am an abortion survivor at 6 months gestation.  My birth mother & father were married & she for some
reason got mad at my father & decided to destroy me.  As I understand it the doctor that performed the abortion  apparently received a conscience  at the last moment & managed to keep me alive.  Really only God could have done this.”

“This morning I saw the program…I just had to let you know the impact it has had on me.  I had 2 abortions over 20+ years ago and at the time I justified my decision because I was a single mom already…struggling to do the best I could for them.  It hurt me more than I could ever say to abort my children and all the years later I carry the pain and shame within me.  At times I have tried to believe that I had made the right decision or that I was “over it” but today after witnessing your story I know I will never be “over it”.  The loss of my children has been like the deaths of any loved one and while we may not get over it in time we can at least come to some sort of terms with their passing. But how do I come to terms with the knowledge I terminated their lives…? I know I need help in forgiving myself and pray to God for His forgiveness and help. Thank you and God bless you for your courage and strength to tell your story and standing up for all those affected by abortion. I haven’t been able to stop crying since viewing the program but I know this is good for me. “every unshed tear becomes like a stone around your neck” and I am drowning for the tears unshed over all the heartbreak of my decisions. “

Thank you to all who watched the episodes Marked for Death, and to all who sent me comments, please know that I was impacted by your stories and experiences.  I will pray for all of you were affected by our story, and I will pray for all who are affected by abortion in our world each and every day.