Abortion attempt survivor. Voice for the voiceless.

It never fails, or more likely, I should say, He never fails. The minute that I start to feel a little down about not having any outright opportunities to share my testimony with others, as I don’t have any speaking events scheduled now until January, and even then, the events have been a bit slow coming in, the Lord reminds me that it isn’t about how many speeches I give, or how many people fill the audience, it’s about how even just one person’s life is touched by my life, by my story of God’s grace.

I can admit it. Although I was certainly very busy with both working full time in social work and then speaking at various events across the U.S. in October and the beginning of November, I loved each and every minute of it, and caught the fire of spreading the Word with the world. And if you’ve experienced it yourself, you know that once you’ve caught the fire of speaking the truth and bearing witness, you simply can’t stop, you don’t want to stop. I was feeling pretty down last week about all of this, even though I was simultaneously happy with the prospect of being home more over the holidays with my husband and daughter. My mild sadness and disappointment thankfully didn’t last long, however, as the Lord sent me reminder after reminder of what is really important in my ministry-touching one life at a time.

I am thankful not just because Thanksgiving is right around the corner, but every day of the year, that the Lord has given me the opportunity to bear witness to the truth about abortion and his grace and glory. Likewise, I am thankful for being able to reach out and touch the hearts and minds of people around the world, and that they allow themselves to be touched by my life and story. I am most grateful, also, that I have I am so blessed to get to know people, even those that I’ve never met personally, and share fellowship in the Lord and our personal beliefs about protecting and respecting life for all.

The more that I think about it, that is probably what had me feeling the most down last week–the fact that I wasn’t scheduled for any events that would enable me to sit down and have a heart to heart with folks about how abortion had touched their life and mine, for a good while, which is my favorite part of ministry. I know, I know, I don’t have to have an event scheduled in order to minister to others, but that’s just where my mind was at least week. I guess I was throwing myself a little pity party, even though I knew that there was nothing to be feeling pitiful about. Anyway, back to the subject at hand….as I mentioned earlier, just when I was slipping into my own self-pity, the Lord sent me numerous reminders of what ministry truly is. Here are just a few small excerpts of notes and emails that I received over the last week from both folks that I’ve been blessed to meet, and those that I have yet to meet. Thank you, Lord, for the reminder of what’s truly important, and thank you to all of my wonderful friends out there who have had the courage to share their innermost thoughts and feelings with me–this post goes out to all of you!

Excerpt from a note that I received from a college student at the University of Mary-Hardin Baylor, where I had spoken on November 11th:

…I want to thank you for allowing God to use you in such a way-you are such a blessing. Your impact on me was outstanding, and I know that you really touched hearts on our campus…I believe that my meeting you is not just a coincidence. I feel God has used this encounter with you to push me in my pursuit of pro-life activity. I will admit that this year has been very hard for me, because earlier in the semester it felt like nobody cared about the devastation of abortion. It can get very discouragaing, but God has shown to be faithful. I just want to encourage you because you really are making a difference! You were like an answered prayer for our group…”

Excerpt from an email from a fellow pro-lifer working on an event in their Catholic parish:

Melissa, may God bless you and your family during this Thanksgiving holiday. I am truly very grateful for your witness. I have never gone to the pro life march in Washington, but I am seriously thinking of going this year and I think in no small way because people like yourself
whom stand tall and strong in the face of this wave of evil that grips so many in society.”

Excerpt from an email comment that I received:

I read your message and was truly moved. I was raised to respect life and the gift that God give you is the sweet face beside you this is love from him to us!…God bless you for being here to tell your story, because so many are not!…Stay blessed in God and he will forever shine a light on your life…I see that already in your smile!

If those blessings and kind words weren’t enough, I received an email last week from a young woman who I had met recently at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor, who, herself, had had an abortion as a teenager, and although she had done some major healing and found her faith again, had not yet found a way to use her experience to impact the world around her. After meeting with me, she has now talked with the college’s chaplain about being a support to other post-abortive students on campus and starting a post-abortive bible study. Tears were literally streaming down my face when I got that email. They were both tears of joy for her and what the Lord is doing in her life, but also tears of gratitude and wonder at how the Lord blesses us with such emails and letters when we most need it.

In keeping with the spirit of thankfulness, here are a couple of my favorite Thanksgiving quotes:

Thankfulness depends on what is in your heart, not what is in your hand.

True thanksgiving means that we need to thank God for what He has done for us & not to tell Him what we have done for Him._—George R. Hendrick

The Measure of Success by Bill Sherrill

Each day, I receive emails with daily scripture and positive thoughts to live by, by Heartlight.  Although I am almost always struck by the profoundness of both the scripture passages and the articles that I receive, the one that I received today has stuck with me.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking about success, myself, a lot in the recent months, but I felt like Mr. Sherrill’s article today was speaking directly to me.  I have included it below, and I hope that you enjoy as much I did.  If you would like to visit the heartlight site where this article can be found, the link is:  http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200911/20091122_measureofsuccess.html.

I always tell people, when I am out speaking, sharing my testimony with others, that if you would have told me even three years ago that I would be traveling the world, ministering to others, I wouldn’t have believed you.  Although I felt the need to begin sharing my story with others, even as recent as three years ago, I felt that my witnessing was just a small piece of my life, something that I would do “on the side.”  My personal goal was to continue to work in the field of social work and continue to climb the ladder of leadership and administration.  I certainly love being a leader, but more so, I felt driven to continue my pursuit for the “next big thing,” the next big step in my quest for success in my daily work, feeling that that was my truest measure of success.

Oh, how things change! Although I still love the work that I do in the field of social work, I can honestly say that I now know in my heart that my ministry, sharing my testimony about the Lord’s grace in saving my life from the certain death of abortion, that is my pursuit, my goal, my love.  Being ever closer each day to God, sharing His story and glory openly with others, that is the truest measure of my personal and “professional” success, they are one and the same.   Nothing is more important in my life.

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How do we measure success?

Is it based on job performance? Perhaps for some it is the kind of job one has. Or for another, the level of income or property one holds. A few, wiser than most, may measure success by the heritage left in their descendants. Are these true measures of one’s own personal success? It may be that any or all of them contribute to the appearance of success, but are they valid measurements?

Success, at least for those claiming to follow Christ, must be measured in the degree to which one becomes like Jesus (Colossians 1:28-29). I am not making claims for perfection or negating the benefits of grace (Philippians 3:8-16), but I am pointing us toward the real values — values which the Savior placed in the forefront time and time again (Luke 9:23-25).

Is it any different when we seek to measure the success of a congregation? I think not. Over and over I hear or read of some preacher of a church that is touting its method of attaining success. All too often the evidence of that success is measured in growth in size and/or monies involved. Don’t misunderstand me: I am not against growth and liberality. What I question is whether that is a significant measure of the success of a church. Like the individual above, should not the measure be the depth of soul rather than the size of soil?

Spiritual giants are measured by service and heart. I list both, because one without the other has little value. The apostle Paul makes that very clear in his famous chapter on love (1 Corinthians 13). He lists great areas of sacrifice or accomplishment, but finds them of no effect unless they are motivated by the heart. Unfortunately, most of us are well aware of the pride which great acts of service can produce if not tempered and motivated by a heart of love.

In addition, fidelity to the perceived doctrines of the faith tend to puff up rather than build up (1 Corinthians 8:1; Revelation 2:3-5). Jesus revealed the “greatest commandment” as “love God with all your heart” and adds, the second is “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:36-40). He points us clearly to these real values.

For his disciples who are to be the leaders of Jesus’ new emerging church, the Lord takes a towel and a basin of water and washes their feet (John 13:12) and reminds them that they must do for each other what he has done for them (John 13:13-14). He reaffirms a principle he had repeatedly taught them earlier, “He who will be great among you will become the servant of all” (Luke 22:26).

In the wonderful and terrifying scene of the final judgement that Jesus shares in one of his parables, the Lord makes no mention of wealth, power, or doctrine. The measure of the true child of God is found in whether or not he responded with a servant’s heart when he encountered the needs of his fellows:

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me (Matthew 25:35-36 TNIV).

In answer to their question of “When did we see you … ?” Jesus responded, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40).

Whether as an individual or as a church, God judges our hearts based on our service. Can we pass the test? Maybe even more to the point, are we willing to use it as the measure of our success?

I read the following article on Pro-Life Blogs earlier this weekend, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since then.  At the surface level, I’ve opposed the coverage of abortion in health care reform because I don’t believe that abortion is a healthcare procedure, and obviously, I don’t believe that the abortion attempt meant to end my life all those years ago was a healthcare procedure-it was an abortion, pure and simple, an attempt to end my life.

The more that I think about the looming health care reform, the more fired up I get about it.  Not only do I oppose the coverage of abortion in the health care package because it is preposterous to me that we, as taxpayers, should pay for the murder of innocent children just like me each year, but I also oppose it because it is just another example of policy makers attempting to fund something that is a means to an ends, not a means at addressing the underlying issues and problems that face the women, men, children, families, and communities in the U.S. each and every day.

Instead of creating and supporting legislation that hurts your constituents, I challenge you, legislators, to create and support legislation that supports expectant and current parents.  Affordable, accessible health care for families; affordable, safe childcare; sick leave; expanded maternity and paternity leave; a living wage; housing assistance; my list could go on and on.  These are the true areas of American life that need to be addressed through funding and legislation, not abortion.

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With a 60 to 39 vote, the Senate approved floor debate on legislation that represents an unprecedented expansion of federally-funded abortion as part of the government takeover of health care.  Updated:  Obama is gratified.

The Family Research Council explains,

Among the several objectionable items included in this bill; like the public option, employer and individual mandates, is the government funding for elective abortion, which is the most onerous and morally objectionable. Additionally the bill provides subsidies for private plans that cover elective abortion. The “Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act” authorizes the Secretary of Health and Human Services to include elective abortion in the public option and subsidize health plans in the government run exchange that cover elective abortion.

Our friends at Americans United for Life are on top of issue and reacted quickly:

“This was a pro-abortion vote tonight because this bill provides for an unprecedented expansion of federally-funded abortion. Supporters argued that the debate needed to move forward – but life should be at the heart of any health care reform. There was no more important time for legislators to show their support for life than by leveraging their power now to demand that any health care reform bill genuinely respects life. What is health care about if it is not for preserving and protecting human life? Tonight the Senate failed to do just that. This legislation moves us toward redefining abortion as health care which is the ultimate objective of the abortion lobby led by Planned Parenthood. The flawed provisions in Reid’s anti-life bill provide for federal funding for abortion, fail to protect medical providers who object to performing procedures that violate their conscience, and fail to prohibit federal funding of assisted suicide.

But wat happened to our pro-life Democrats (Soconvivium)?:

With the cooperation of ostensible pro-lifers Ben Nelson (D., Neb.) and Robert Casey Jr. (D, Penn.) the motion to bring the health care reform debate to the Senate floor was passed 60-39. They had the chance to defeat a bill that will expand abortion, but didn’t.

The Susan B. Anthony List adds:

In response to this evening’s advancement of the Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act in the U.S. Senate, Susan B. Anthony List President Marjorie Dannenfelser offered the following statement:”It’s gravely disappointing that pro-life Democrats in the Senate failed to show the same courage and conviction shown by their counterparts in the House of Representatives.

“Senators should consider themselves on notice: America is still waiting for you to strike government funded abortion from this legislation. Votes have consequences, and if this health care bill makes it to conference committee without an authentic abortion exclusion, Senators Casey, Landrieu, Lincoln, Nelson and Reid will be held especially accountable.

“Their first opportunity to defend Life was on the motion to proceed. Their last chance will be on the final cloture vote to end debate. A vote to close debate without the addition of strong pro-life language will be a vote for government-funded abortion. That would be the ultimate betrayal of pro-life constituents and even self-described pro-choice Americans who oppose government-funded abortion.

The National Right to Life reacted strongly:

Obama and Reid wanted debate – so now they’ll get debate, on their cloaked provisions that would cover abortion on demand in proposed new government-run and government-subsidized insurance plans.

Obama and Reid are seeking to block enactment of the bipartisan Stupak-Pitts compromise, adopted by the U.S. House of Representatives on November 7 by a vote of 240-194. This amendment would prevent government funding of elective abortion through the proposed “public option,” and would also prevent federal subsidies from paying for private insurance plans that cover elective abortion.

During the weeks ahead, National Right to Life will continue to fight the efforts of President Obama and congressional Democratic leaders to cover abortion on demand in two huge new federal health programs. The Senate bill faces additional 60-vote hurdles in the future. Moreover, a courageous group of pro-life Democrats in the House of Representatives will oppose final approval of health care legislation if the Stupak-Pitts Amendment is gutted or removed.

And so will we …Forcing Americans to buy government approved health care insurance is arguably unconstitutional. Forcing Americans to fund abortion within the government plan is without question unconscionable. – Tony Perkins

As if the secrecy and shame that surrounds abortion isn’t silencing enough, there are doctors like Hodari who not only allegedly forced a woman to have an abortion but literally silenced her during the process, and likewise, for over a year afterwards.  I first read this article on Thursday night, and then ended up listening to Dr. Alveda King on Al Kresta in the Afternoon on Friday, where she, too, told her own personal story of having an abortion forced on her and the silence that ensued for many years after.  On the other side of the abortion, there is my own personal story of being silenced by the shame and guilt of “being different” from everyone else I knew and also for surviving and thriving, whereas millions of children just like me have not been as lucky.  Truly, silence is DEATH-ENING.

FLINT, MI, November 18, 2009/Christian Newswire –

A recently filed lawsuit against troubled abortionist Abraham Alberto Hodari alleging a horrific forced abortion may explain his recent efforts to sell off his abortion clinics.

On June 17, 2009, Caitlin Bruce filed a suit against Hodari and his assistant, “Victor”, over an incident that took place at Hodari’s Flint, MI, abortion clinic in April 2008. In that suit, Ms. Bruce alleges that she went to Hodari’s clinic seeking an abortion, but before the procedure began, she changed her mind and decided against it. She notified Hodari that she no longer wanted the abortion.

However, Hodari and his assistant, Victor, forcibly restrained Ms. Bruce, holding her down. Ms. Bruce screamed “Stop, stop, I don’t want this,” but her mouth was covered to muffle her pleas while Hodari forced the abortion upon her.

Included in the suit are 6 counts against Hodari, including lack of informed consent/medical malpractice, battery, fraud, misrepresentation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and ethnic/gender intimidation.

Michigan has a statute that forbids intimidation based on gender or ethnicity. Ms. Bruce believes that Hodari forced the abortion on her because she is Black. Statistics show that the abortion industry disproportionately targets Black women.

“This man should be in jail,” said Operation Rescue President Troy Newman. “To avoid having to pay for his crimes, it looks like Hodari is trying to liquidate his assets, take the money, and run.”

This is not the first incident of forced abortion for which Hodari has been accused. In February, former Hodari patient Jennifer McCoy came forward and told Operation Rescue of her 1988 abortion at age 16. McCoy never intended to get an abortion and was lured to Hodari’s clinic under the false pretenses that she would be receiving her first obstetrical examination. Instead, Hodari forced an abortion on her. He then returned her to a 40-year old high school teacher who had fathered the baby in a relationship that qualified as statutory rape. McCoy attempted unsuccessfully to have Hodari criminally charged. (Read full story.)

“Over a twenty year period, we can only imagine how many times Hodari has done this to women. If we know of two, you can bet there were more that we don’t know about,” said Newman. “It is one depraved man that could do that to women.”

Hodari was placed on probation in February for illegally dumping medical records. In March, he was fined a mere $10,000 for his part in the death of Regina Johnson. Hodari has been involved in at least three additional abortion deaths.

“Over the years, Michigan authorities have continually covered for Hodari’s criminal actions. They bear some responsibility for the abuse suffered by women because they know Hodari is a menace, but have done nothing to stop him,” said Newman.

After one short day at home, I headed back down (by myself this time) to Texas, Belton to be exact, to meet with pro-life students, residential assistants, and also to speak at chapel. Although I was excited about speaking on a college campus again (it had been over six months since I had last spoke at one), I was missing my daughter and feeling drained when I headed out the morning of November 10th. Any apprehension that I had about being back out speaking again after one day’s rest melted away when I met up with Chaplain George Loutherback (aka, “Dr. L.”) and Amanda, one of the officers of Cru4Life, UMHB’s relatively new pro-life student group, at the Killeen airport.

A quick aside here, which I think is pretty interesting stuff….when we left the Dallas airport to head to Killeen, the flight attendant notified us that although our trip would be a quick 31 minutes, President Obama was scheduled to leave Killeen (where he was attending the memorial service for the victims of Ft. Hood), at about the same time we were scheduled to land, so there could be a change in our arrival time. We landed in Killeen on time, without fanfare, but as I looked out of the window to my left, I could see Air Force One sitting there. (I have included a picture below, although it is far from great). As we left the airport and traveled through Ft. Hood, there were a large number of military and police personnel patrolling the area.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand…I had spoken with Dr. L. a few times by phone in the past month and had thoroughly enjoyed my talks with him, and meeting him in person simply solidified for me what a great man of faith, character, and leadership he is. It can be hard sometimes, heading out to place after place, meeting person after person, and although most of us always click in terms of our personalities and beliefs, some people are just easier to get to know and more comfortable to be around. Dr. L. and all of the students and staff that I met at UMHB were some of the most approachable, committed, faithful folks that I have met throughout my travels, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them.

I started Tuesday evening off by having dinner with Dr. L. and the four student officers of Cru4Life-Amanda, Eva, Nikita, and Ashley at the Olive Garden. We had a nice, relaxing meal together and shared our personal stories of how we’ve gotten to who we are/where we are in life, and we talked about a wide range of topics, from pro-life student activism, to the barriers that are encountered on campus and in a secular society, to my story and what it was like for me as a college student (MANY YEARS BEFORE). (I have to add that last piece in, because although I love being around high school and college students because of their energy, enthusiasm, and fresh perspective on life, I am increasingly aware that I am getting increasingly older. Bless their hearts, some students later remarked that they thought I was a student, but they must not have looked close enough to see the gray hairs on my head and the wrinkles around my eyes!)

We headed out from dinner to the UMHB campus, where the Cru4Life group was holding their weekly meeting at 7:00. Although attendance fluxgates from week to week, there were over 20 students in attendance that evening, and I was very pleased that this included a number of male students.

I was impressed not only by the number of students present for the meeting, but also with the preparation that students had done by researching pro-life news around the world to share with the group. I never pretend to know everything about what’s going on in the pro-life culture, but I was very surprised to learn that evening that the largest Planned Parenthood clinic in the world is currently being built in Houston. I pray that children like me are spared from abortion at this clinic and are given the chance that they deserve at life.

We spent the evening together discussing the prevalence of abortion on college campuses (and the likelihood that even some in that very room that night had likely experienced an abortion), what impacts college women to have abortions, and the resources and supports that men and women facing pregnancy and parenting most need from their campus, their faculty and their peers. Like many college students that I have met, it was easy for them to identify what drives college women to have abortions: lack of emotional support, fear, being shamed and blamed for becoming pregnant (yes, even on Christian campuses), coercion by friends, family, and partners, lack of knowledge about resources and supports available to them and how to access them. However, when it came time to identify what resources were available (like Title 19, Food Stamps, FIP, pregnancy resource centers, WIC, campus housing, etc), the students found it much harder to identify how a pregnant or parenting student would go about finding these resources and how they, as pro-life leaders could help them to access them.

I certainly don’t blame them; their experience is not unique, even for a group of pro-life student leaders. I am glad that we got the conversation started that night about what expectant parents may need, and I am excited about continuing to support them in their efforts in addressing this area for themselves and their peers. Although resources and supports are key in supporting pregnant and parenting students, I think that the most important thing we discussed that night together was about how to talk to and treat pregnant and parenting students-with love and compassion, genuine care, not shaming, blaming or judging them for their circumstances or choices.

We wrapped our time together for the night with me sharing part of my personal story with them. I didn’t want to give it all away, since I was speaking the next morning at chapel, but I wanted them to have the opportunity to spend time with me in a more intimate setting and hear things from me that I likely wouldn’t have time to say the next day. It was a very moving experience for both the students and myself, as we sat together in a circle that night and looked at the true reality of abortion and how it has impacted my life and everyone around me. Although I didn’t want to tell them “everything,” a number of students didn’t want to have to wait until the next day to hear the rest of the story, and some just couldn’t make it to chapel, so we convened the meeting and headed to a small chapel so that I could continue sharing my testimony with about ten students. It is such a different experience to be sitting face to face with people instead of standing at a podium or on a stage, and the depth of our emotions and the presence of the Lord were palpable that evening as we continued our time together.

There were the gasps, sighs, and tears that often come about as I give my testimony, and I was moved that they were so moved by my story and the power of God’s grace, but so, too, was I moved by my time with them. I always feel the Holy Spirit move through me when I speak (and it certainly lingers for hours afterwards, which can be a problem when I speak late at night and then can’t sleep), but there are moments in time where I can just see the Lord in the room when I speak, and that night was certainly one of those nights. And just like always, I was not surprised by the gift that the Lord gave me that night, when a young woman stayed after to speak with me. “I was scared to come here tonight and meet you,” she started off by saying. She went on to share that she had had an abortion in high school, coerced into doing so by her verbally abusive boyfriend, who made her undertake the process alone. “I was afraid of what you would look like….I just didn’t think that I could handle it.” I certainly understood what she was saying. When you hear that someone like me has survived a lethal attempt on their life, should have burned from the outside-in, and was told by doctors that they would likely have any one of a number of disabilities, you don’t know what to expect when you meet them. I am grateful to the Lord for my health and my well-being, and I know that the Lord had a plan when he not only saved me but made me healthy and whole, for I am a reflection of him, and I am also a reflection of each and every one of those beautiful children whose lives have been ended by abortion.

I had a wonderful heart to heart with my young friend, who is fortunately but unfortunately wise beyond her years, and she has a beautiful story to tell, that I hope that she someday comes forward with publicly. In the few short years since the abortion, she has grown exponentially as a person. She’s born again in her faith, she’s forgiven her child’s father and now befriended him in Christ, she’s worked through her grief and loss through the Forgiven and Set Free bible study, and has found a way to memorialize her unborn child and find the purpose and meaning behind her experiences. She is a true inspiration to me and she is the kind of woman that I want to pattern myself after. Spending time with this young woman was a great finish to the evening.

Blessing of all blessings, I had the rare opportunity, traveling alone, to sleep in the next morning, which was a great way to start the day. After calling home to check on Olivia and the rest of the house, I made my way to the UMHB campus. It was a beautiful morning, and I had the opportunity to tour the campus (by golf cart ) with Dr. L., which is truly one of the most picture-perfect campuses I’ve seen. Between the people and the campus, I must admit that I could easily be swayed to join them in Belton sometime-permanently!

Chapel was held at 11:00 Wednesday morning. After a very moving invocation from a student who is also a member of the armed services, which honored our fellow veteran’s, we had the opportunity to share in the music of Scattered Leaves, a Christian band from Maryland. They were awesome! I didn’t know if or how I was going to get and keep the students’ attention when it came time for me to speak right after them, but the Lord was present by my side as always, and the students and faculty present listened whole-heartedly to my testimony for the next 30 minutes. As always, I had written a specific speech for this very event, but once again, it wasn’t needed. I know my story by heart, but the Lord guided me on the other points to make with the students about how we are ALL impacted by abortion, how we were ALL just one step away from being me, the only difference being that their mother chose life, that we all have a role to play in respecting and protecting life, we simply need to tap into our God-given strengths and talents to help make the world a better place.

Following chapel, a number of the Residential Life staff took me out for some great Mexican food , and we spent time again talking about the needs and resources available to their students, the resources available to help students help provide support to other students, and the role that they can play in assisting their students. It was a great finish to a great morning and a nice transition for my trip back home.

After chapel that day, and even since thereafter, I have heard from a number of students and staff who have shared their own personal stories about abortion and adoption in their lives, and found my time with them to be inspirational and educational. I am certainly grateful that I made an impact in their lives, but I am equally grateful that they made an impact on my life. Their commitment to their faith, their dedication to doing good works for others, and their belief in respecting and protecting children just like me will have a lasting impression on me throughout my life.

Plans are underway to get me back to UMHB next October to speak with students again on the annual Day of Solidarity. I look forward to seeing everyone again at UMHB soon!