Although, by and large, this pregnancy has so far been a lot kinder and gentler on me than my first (thank you, Lord!), it hasn’t been without it’s own complications.  My early detection of the pregnancy led to a number of false negative tests, which left Ryan and I on an emotional rollercoaster.  Was I or wasn’t I? I could have sworn that I was! When the doctor’s office finally called to notify us that they had made a mistake by initially saying my Hcg test was negative, and we were, indeed, expecting, we were both ecstatic and overwhelmed.  We had spent days coming to grips with the fact that we weren’t, only to find out that we were.

Mixed in with all of our joy also came a sudden mix of fear and uncertainty.  The biggest fear–I was in a lot of pain and afraid that the pregnancy was ectopic or would soon result in miscarriage.  Over a period of days, we rode the emotional roller coaster a second time, as we attempted to determine the source of my extreme discomfort.  Finding out that I had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured, but that the pregnancy was progressing fine was a blessing, but it has only slightly taken the edge off of my fear.  As mothers, we instinctively concern ourselves with our children’s safety and well-being, whether they are playing in the yard or growing in our womb.  I will stay on guard for both of my children all of my life, regardless of their location.

The other mix of anxiety that I have found myself facing this time is similar to the anxiety I felt during my pregnancy with Olivia, but it is both heightened and dulled in comparision to it, relatively speaking.  I’ve worried now over the last few weeks about how having another child is going to change our family unit.  At 3 1/2, Olivia is finally sleeping in her bed all night (most nights).  We’ve grown rather accustomed to our little family of 3.  What’s going to happen now? How is Olivia going to be affected at this stage in her development by having a sibling? What about the additional financial constraints? Heck, we don’t even insurance maternity coverage (we’re okay now, though).  My list of worries could go on and on.  I know these worries are par for the course.  And we’ve been wishing and hoping for another child, but the fears still surface.  And by and large, although these are some new worries for me, I remember how intense my worries were with Olivia, too.

What struck me differently this time about my experiences with the pregnancy, in a woman’s perspective, was that I could see and feel how some women must feel when faced with such worries, fears, and no support, or not enough information about resources available to her.  I could see how desparation, unknowing, could lead them down a path that they never intended.  Although I know my worries and fears are normal, I also know that God intended for me to gain perspective about what drives so many women to the point of ending their pregnancies.

And although, as a mother, I was concerned about how having another child could affect Olivia, I knew long before we became pregnant that she would be fine.  More than fine, actually.  She is, and will be, absolutely amazing.  In fact, before I even told my husband that I thought that I was pregnant, Olivia walked up to me and asked, “Mom, are you growing a baby in your belly?” We’ve been talking with her about it for quite some time, or, in actuality, she’s been talking with us about it.  “When are you going to grow a baby? Can’t we just go get one at the hospital like everyone else?” we heard time and time again.  When we told her that we are having a baby, she was thrilled (See her photo above).  I’m rather sure that she has told everyone that she runs into that she’s a big sister.  This shirt pictured above could already sprout legs and walk, she wears it nonstop.  And yes, she is a big sister.  Whether the child is “in my belly” as she knows, or is lying in my arms, that child I’m carrying is her sibling.

That’s what has really struck me during this pregnancy, too.  I speak all of the time about the intergenerational impact of abortion.  I hear from individuals, young and old alike, who grieve the loss of the sibling they know they lost to abortion.  And now, looking through our daughter’s eyes, I can see how much her sibling means to her.  I can’t imagine how devastated she, or any child would be, to find out that their brother or sister lost their life at the hands of someone they so love and trust.

An increased awareness and perspective when it comes to pregnancy and abortion, indeed.  As if a pregnancy wasn’t blessing enough…

According to the SAMHSA report, women aged 40-69 are more at risk of killing themselves than other women, according to new research on age-specific suicide rates between 1998 and 2007. In 2007, this age group made up 60 percent of the 7,328 suicides reported among women.

The article begged the question which certainly demands an answer:  ‘But why middle-aged women?’

Following is an excerpt from Today Health contributor Julie Weingarden Dubin’s article Suicide Spikes Among Middle Aged Women,

It could just be a question of numbers: One in four adults in the U.S. has a treatable mental health condition, and middle-aged women are one of the fastest-growing populations in the country.

Or it may have something to do with baby boomers’ higher rates of substance abuse, an important risk factor in suicide, said Julie Phillips, Ph.D., a social demographer and associate professor at Rutgers University in New Jersey. Phillips calculated the age- specific rates from data from the National Center for Health Statistics and the Census Bureau. And during the nine-year time period she studied, suicide rates are fairly stable for women younger than 40, and for women older than 70, suicide rates are actually on the decline.

Women over 50 may also be in crisis because pain and sleep disorders — common problems with aging — can lead to an increased use of prescription drugs, according to Albert Woodward, Ph.D., the project director of SAMHSA’s Drug Abuse Warning Network. According to the SAMHSA report, suicide attempts involving drugs to treat anxiety and insomnia increased 56 percent. Woodward adds that older women may experience depression because of health changes and other negative life events.

Loneliness and depression are also suicide risk factors. “Older women especially in the U.S. are more isolated and separated from daily human contact outside of work and the internet,” says Ellyn Kaschak, Ph.D., emeritus professor of psychology at San Jose State University and the editor of the journal Women & Therapy.

Dr. Leslie Beth Wish, a psychologist and licensed clinical social worker in Sarasota, Fla., has found through her online surveys, lectures and focus groups a startling increase in suicide attempts with women ages 45 to 54. Women are susceptible to depression but older women may also be suffering from pre-menopause hormone fluctuations that can affect mood changes and depression. Also, existing long-term illnesses such as lupus or multiple sclerosis can worsen and breast cancers and other cancers might be diagnosed.

My heart truly goes out to all women who are suffering from a mental or medical health condition that is impacting their physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, but I can’t help but read this article and question the role that abortion plays in these cases.

Research indicates that women who have had an abortion are 162% more likely to be admitted for psychiatric treatment within 90 days of the abortion and are at continued risk for over 4 years following.  Additionally, post-abortive women are more than 460% more likely to abuse illegal drugs and 122% more likely to abuse alcohol (Coleman et al 2002).

And when it comes to suicide, the research reflects that abortion has a profound impact on women’s lives and the incidence of suicide.  According to the Archives of Women’s Mental Health (2001), abortion was linked to a 160% increase in rates of suicide in the U.S.  According to the British Medical Journal (1997), it was found to lead to a 225% increase in Britain.  And according to the Acta Ostetrica et Gynecologica Scandinavica (1997), abortion was linked to a 546% increase in rates of suicide in Finland.

These three studies, averaged together, reflect an increase in over 310 % in suicide rates following abortion.  Although some in our world still want to try and deny the credibility of such studies, the research continues to build and be clear:  when it comes to abortion, the effects are far-reaching and detrimental, not just for children, but for women.

Suicide spikes among middle aged women? When you consider that 1 in 3 women under the age of 45 in the U.S. have had an abortion and you take into account what the research and post-abortive women’s own experiences reflect, abortion is a leading factor to this spike.  If you or someone you know are in need of post-abortion counseling, please contact Rachel’s Vineyard (www.rachelsvineyard.org).

Please visit the link here for more information–Your Family Live

A Voice for Life is a pro-life film that is the result of God bringing three people together under His guidance to offer love, hope, healing and forgiveness for all those touched by abortion.  Without giving too much away, A Voice for Life shares my story as a survivor of a failed abortion attempt, my own healing journey and ministry, and the stories of countless other men and women who have been touched by abortion or been faced with a decision about abortion in their lives.  Professionals from pregnancy support centers, in addition to pro-life leaders and advocates including Father Frank Pavone, Kevin and Theresa Burke, Alveda King, Father Jonathon Morris, Dr. John Willke and Michael Clancy are also featured in the film.

Check out the powerful trailer by clicking the following link: A Voice for Life trailer

Please check out the film’s website:  http://www.avoiceforlife.com for more information on the documentary or how to order the film. 

Melissa will a guest on Focus on the Family’s daily radio program, which will be airing a two-part series on May 17th and 18th.  Melissa will also be a guest on a special webcast live from the Heartbeat International Conference on May 18th.

I can’t even count how many times in the past two weeks I have read comments in mainstream media articles and interviews (which I know are often breeding grounds for apathetic viewpoints to be aired), in which my story as a survivor has been shared, and individuals responded with one of the following comments: 

“It’s horrific what happened to Melissa Ohden, but….”  “My heart certainly goes out to Melissa for what she has gone through, but who are we to….” “It is not my place or anyone else’s, including Melissa, to tell another person….” 

Although I first of all appreciate anyone reading about and learning about my life as a survivor of a failed abortion attempt, and I secondly appreciate individuals taking the time to share their perspectives on abortion with others so that we may have a public discourse about what it truly is and how it changes people and relationships forever, I am disheartened by the apathy present in so many of the responses.

I certainly don’t expect everyone to agree with me when it comes to abortion (although I think you all know in my aborted child heart that I wish people would), it’s actually easier for me to deal with people who out and out disagree with me than those who simply choose to be apathetic about it.  There are literally some days where I wish I could scream out to the world, “Do you understand what that abortion should have done to me? Do you understand that my child would have never lived because of it? Can’t you understand how my husband feels, knowing his wife would never have lived? My parents, my siblings? Don’t you hear the stories of all of those who are hurt by abortion? How can you just sit idly by while lives are lost and people devastated by abortion?”

I don’t scream out to the world, however.  I instead channel my energy into trying to educate the world about abortion and its’ effects on children, men and women, families.  I try to chip away at the facade of apathy, because I know that so often, apathy is just an attempt at avoiding the truth out of fear of becoming in touch with it.  If someone really takes the time to get to know me or my family, they see first hand every day the pain that abortion has caused us all, and they recognize the worth of all of our lives.  Recognizing and accepting that pain, however, is too much for so many in our world to deal with, so instead, they stay in their comfortable bubble of not caring and not seeing. 

We’ve seen what apathy has done throughout history…..from slavery to the Holocaust and so many times in between, apathy has cost millions of lives.  Whether people care to involve themselves in protecting lives from abortion, the truth is that over 3,300 children just like me today will lose their lives to abortion in the U.S. alone.  It may be easier for some to be apathetic about the issue than to even listen to voices like mine, but what happens when one of those 3,300 children is a child in their life–their son or daughter, grandchild, niece or nephew, friend? What if it would have been them that were in my shoes? What will all of those who are apathetic think, then, about whether it’s their place to say anything about abortion? I pray that hearts and minds be opened so that the apathy stops killing children like me.

I had the awesome opportunity to be guest on Cornerstone Television’s Focus 4 Program recently (see a video clip and additional YouTube links on my Media page).  It was such a blessing to be a part of their program that day, sharing in the message about God at work in our lives, and I believe that it was no coincidence that Steve Feazel, a popular Christian speaker, writer, comedian, and producer was also on the show that day to discuss the new film Yellow Roses.

As a young woman, I struggled greatly with my self-esteem, my self-concept, and desperately wanted to be “normal,” despite the reality of how I entered this world.  For many years I did anything and everything that I could to fit in and camouflage the pain that I felt inside.  The courageous young women in this film share their own personal struggles with the pressure to fit in, the pressure to do anything and everything to be liked and wanted.  Most importantly, these beautiful young women share inspire others like them to heal from the pain and the experiences in their lives, and give them hope that no matter what, they ARE wanted and they ARE loved, by the God who loves us, even when we don’t love ourselves.

I encourage you to check out the trailer for Yellow Roses and visit the website at:  http://www.yellowrosesfilm.com for more information on the film, how to order it, and how to schedule a viewing if you are interested for youth in your school or your church.

OCTOBER 5: Today my life began. My parents do not know it yet, but it is I already. And I am to be a girl. I shall have blond hair and blue eyes. Just about everything is settled though, even the fact that I shall love flowers.

OCTOBER 19: Some say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists. But I am a real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My mother is. And I am.

OCTOBER 23: My mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think, in a year or so I shall be laughing and later talking. I know what my first word will be: MAMA.

OCTOBER 25: My heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall gently beat for the rest of my life without ever stopping to rest! And after many years it will tire. It will stop, and then I shall die.

NOVEMBER 2: I am growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But I have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to my mother’s arms, before these little arms will be able to gather flowers and embrace my father.

NOVEMBER 12: Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are! I’ll be able to stroke my mother’s hair with them.NOVEMBER 20:It wasn’t until today that the doctor told mom that I am living here under her heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, mom?

NOVEMBER 25: My mom and dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don’t even know that I am a little girl. I want to be called Kathy. I am getting so big already.

DECEMBER 10: My hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of hair mom has?

DECEMBER 13: I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. When mom brings me into the world it will be full of sunshine and flowers. But what I want more than anything is to see my mom. How do you look, mom?

DECEMBER 24: I wonder if mom hears the whispering of my heart? Some children come into the world a little sick. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats so evenly: tup-tup, tup-tup. You’ll have a healthy little daughter, mom!

DECEMBER 28: Today my mother killed me.—Anonymous

I must say that I am both horribly shocked but at the same time, not terribly surprised, by this unfortunate story.  When I was in high school and college myself, and now even when I visit high school and college campuses when I speak across the U.S., the incidence of young women inducing their own miscarriages was and is very commonplace.  What makes this young woman’s story so unique is the length at which she was willing to go to have this miscarriage, and the subsequent response to it.

I am saddened that this young woman felt such obvious pressure to end her pregnancy, for fear of losing her boyfriend.  Why is it that we punish this young woman for the poor choice that she made to place herself and her unborn child at risk, while her boyfriend, who influenced this decision, goes without any consequence?  Unfortunately, this is also a very common circumstance in our world; out of fear of losing her family, her friends, her significant other, her job or education, many women feel like ending their pregnancy, despite their own feelings about their unborn child, about having an abortion, is the only choice available to them to meet their needs.  All the while, the family, partner, friend, employer, whomever gave her the ultimatum, whomever backed her into a corner where she felt like abortion was the only choice, are not consequenced, are not even confronted by society for their actions or inactions to support the woman.

I don’t know for sure what drove my own mother to enter the hospital in August of 1977 to undergo the abortion attempt that was meant to take my life, but from what I’ve gathered so far from my biological father’s family, it may very well have been her father, my biological maternal grandfather, who influenced her to have the abortion.  My biological parents had dated for four years before becoming pregnant with me and from all accounts, they were in love with one another.  No one in my biological father’s family had any idea that my biological mother was ever pregnant with my father’s child.  The only thing that they do recall is that one night back in 1977, my maternal grandfather called my biological father and told him to “never darken their doorstep again.”  My biological parents broke up, and she was never seen with my father again.  My grandfather, a school administrator, was known to be a very demanding, commanding, controlling individual, and from the sounds of it, my mother’s life was not off limits to his control.

It’s interesting isn’t it, how this young woman, not much younger than my mother was when she became pregnant with me, is being charged with felony to commit murder for this incident, which gratefully did not severely harm her or her baby, but yet my own biological mother, who went through a five-day attempt to end my life, was never consequenced or scrutinized for the very same “choice” she made to attempt to end her child’s life.  Please know, by no means, do I believe that my mother should have faced criminal penalty for her choice to end my life, (her penalty has been to have to live with this for the rest of her life and ultimately face God someday), but I do want to point out the inconsistencies in our treatment of women and their so-called “choices”, and the often double standards that we impose.

I pray that this young woman comes out of this incident as best as she can, and that no matter what she chooses to do with her child, whether she keeps it, puts it up for adoption, that the baby is unharmed and is loved for who they are.  I can relate to this young woman’s unborn child.  I may have been unplanned by my biological mother, but I was far from being an unwanted child-just ask my adoptive parents.